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Don't get married in the Wren without him

Eighteen years times 80: As the unofficially acknowledged keeper of the Wren and its historic chapel, Bernard Bowman has helped bring off more successful weddings than most area clergymen. Undoubtedly his quick thinking and calm assurances in the face of crisis have saved a few.

Officially the supervisor of special events at the Wren, Bowman‘s written duties simply are to make sure the building is open and the groups of celebrants get in and out within their two-hour alottment of time. Other things—lighting candles, placing altar cloths, gathering bridal trains, exuding smiles—are gratis: Bernard does them out of his own desire to make every bride happy and every Wren ceremony as perfect as possible.

Stress--the proverbial pre-wedding jitters—on the part of wedding celebrants often provide his greatest challenge. Bernard illustrates: “It was a Jewish wedding, and the lady was very nervous, so I kept talking to her, telling her, ‘Come on, just be cool. Everything is going to be all right.” She made about one hundred trips from the chapel to the Great Hall, just walking, pacing. I thought she was going to pass out. I saw that she just wanted to do a little crying, and I said, ‘C’mon, don’t do that,’ and I just kept on with her until I got her straightened up. This was the mother of the bride.”

Mostly it is the mothers who struggle with nerves, Bowman has observed through the years. “I talk to the mothers; I talk to the brides, asking them, “Are you happy? Are you ready?’ Sometimes I hug them; reassure them. What I do is try to make everybody happy.”

Other Bowman observations as a witness to more than one thousand weddings: All brides, indeed, are beautiful; the fathers of brides are generally calm; and wedding photographers generally want to “take pictures all day long,” he said.

“The photographers are the ones I sometimes have to run out when it’s time for the next group.”

There are not many Bernards in the world said one bridal mother. Photo by David Williard.

“Bernard is a bride’s best friend,” said his supervisor, Louise Kale, William and Mary’s executive director of the historic campus. “He runs a tight ship; Bernard’s brides can be assured of smooth sailing.”

One bridal mother, Paula Hoffman (’61 and ’68), quickly affirmed Kale’s statement. Hoffman, who admitted to a certain level of anxiety during her daughter’s recent Wren wedding, credited Bowman’s professionalism with easing the level of tension for all. “Bernard is special (1) because he knows exactly what he is doing, (2) because he takes pride in his work and (3) because it’s very important to him that your wedding goes off the way it’s supposed to go off. That’s special. You don’t find many Bernards out in the world anymore, He should be a wedding planner,” Hoffman said.

Despite similar accolades and career advice from others who have benefited from his presence during marriage ceremonies, there is little chance that Bowman, who recently turned 70 and celebrated his own 50th anniversary, will make that vocational change. His job remains “to open the building; to lock it up,” he said, the same as when the came to the College as the part-time Wren custodian in 1985 while working full time for Colonial Williamsburg. Sometimes he is there 20 hours a week; recently, during peak wedding season, the hours have approached 50. “Fifty is nothing,” he said, dismissing extra hours as fair tradeoff if that’s what it takes to make each ceremony live up to the expectations of those who choose the landmark as a wedding venue.

To date, there have been no disasters, although a couple of near misses do come to Bowman’s mind.

“We had one where the father of the groom passed out. He had to be taken to the hospital; he had a bad heart. He was walking the bride in, and he passed out just before he got up to the preacher. People looked at me. I just called 911.”

Several other times participants have passed out before or during their ceremonies.

“I had one guy, a groom, who, as the ceremony was getting ready to start, hit the floor,” he recalled. “Boom! But they got him together, and he got married. We didn’t dial 911 for him because there was nothing really wrong with him. I had been talking to him before the ceremony started, and he had told me what he was doing the night before—had a few drinks; didn’t get any sleep.”

Normally the ceremonies proceed without such interruptions, and Bowman’s presence is less visible. Mostly he is “walking,” he said, inside checking the west door to make sure it is closed, keeping an eye out to make sure “things are running smooth,” putting up the signs so the tourists do not try to enter. “I just keep walking,” he said, “trying to make sure everything is going all right. I don’t get much rest sitting down.”

As he walks, undoubtedly Bowman will be smiling—an endearing, trademark Bernardesque smile that is welcoming to guests and reassuring to the wedding party.

“I smile a alot; I don’t cry at the weddings,” he said. “I’m just always happy to see them, to be a small part of them.” Although it is common for wedding parties to offer a gratuity—he recalls one Christmas Day when he was called in to open the chapel for a wedding and received a $200 tip—participating in the joy of those getting married and not the monetary tokens is what motivates him.

“Weddings are great times,” he said. “Everybody is happy, and I’m happy. That is the greatest thing.”

Find out more about weddings in the Wren at www.wm.edu/about/wren/wrenchapel.