Get Educated: Cues & Communication

• Know what you want Know what you want
  • It is important to figure out what you want before you enter into a conversation
• Pick the right time and place Pick the right time and place
  • Choose a place where you're comfortable
  • Make sure you're both sober
  • Make sure it's before you've had intimate contact
  • Choose a private place
• Relax Relax
  • Take a deep breath before you start
  • Tell your partner that you're nervous
  • Practice beforehand to combat nerves
• Be overly explicit Be overly explicit
  • State what you want very clearly
• Use "I" statements Use "I" statements
  • "I feel...", "I want...", "I like..."
• Ask open-ended questions (not yes/no questions) Ask open-ended questions (not yes/no questions)
  • "Tell me something that happened today?" vs. "Did you have a good day?"
  • "What do you think about this activity?" vs. "Do you want to do this activity?"
• Listen! Listen!
  • If you want your partner to pay attention to you, you should pay attention to your partner
  • Ask for confirmation that your message was received and acknowledge that you heard your partner's messages (this does not mean you have to agree with it)
  • Use reflective listening and say how you interpreted the message (ask for clarification when unsure what you heard. Ask questions to clarify what you believe you heard)
• Get information to help you each make informed decisions Get information to help you each make informed decisions
  • Learn your partner's perspective
  • Know your partner's concerns and show respect for them
• Be honest and patient
• Avoid assumptions and accusations
• Avoid being persuaded to do something you don't want to do Avoid being persuaded to do something you don't want to do
  • Ex: If you loved me, you would trust me and not use a condom
• Pay attention to non verbal cues Pay attention to non verbal cues
  • Are your body language (and orientation), appearance, facial expressions, eye contact saying the same thing that your words are saying?

• ¹ HealthyLife® Students' Self-Care Guide
• ² University of Oregon
• ³ University of Maryland
• ⁴ Advocates for Youth