Women are more likely to report sexual assault if their assailant is a stranger than if the assailant is an acquaintance, and they are more likely to report completed rape than attempted rape.
Parents: After An Assault
For the Parents of a Sexual Assault Survivor
If your daughter or son confides in you that he or she has been sexually assaulted,
you may experience a number of conflicting emotions, such as anger, guilt,
self-blame, betrayal, and helplessness. As a parent, it is normal to feel
any or all of these emotions at once. Your daughter or son has put a lot
of trust in you to share such a sensitive experience, and perhaps without
realizing it, she or he has placed a lot of responsibility on you as well.
Some common feelings you may have:
- Concern for the survivor: How to help the survivor deal with the trauma.
- Helplessness: Parents may wish they could have protected their child and want to fix the situation so that life can get back to normal.
- Feeling out of control: Just as the survivor is feeling the effects of the loss of control in their lives, so too does the parent. The abuse/assault has changed the parent's relationship with the survivor, and it is out of the parent's control to change that.
- Wanting to harm the offender: This is a natural reaction, but not a realistic one. This creates further crisis, and the child might feel the need to protect the offender (especially if the offender is known to the survivor).
- Loss of intimacy/trust: Because the survivor needs time to work on trust issues, the loss of trust affects any relationship in which he or she is involved.
- Guilt: Parents often feel guilty about their own feelings of anger at how the crisis is disrupting their family.
- Difficulty expressing their own feelings: Parents may feel that, because they aren't the ones who experienced the assault, they should be able to deal with their feelings and "just get over it."
It is important for parents to realize that their feelings are valid. Everyone who is directly involved with the survivor will be affected by his or her sexual assault. Consider utilizing stress reduction techniques to manage anxiety and don't blame your son or daughter. Believe your child. Seek outside resources and support for yourself. Let your child ask you for what he or she needs, and try not to assume that you will automatically know.
For the Parents of a Student Accused of Sexual Assault
If you learn that your son/daughter has been accused of sexual misconduct under the College of William and Mary's policy you can contact the Dean of Students Office to access resources for your child, and to talk about how you can best support your student through a difficult experience. For more information see our campus Student Conduct Process.
For more information on how you can support your child, please contact the Director of Sexual Assault Services or the Sexual Assault Educator.
Contact Trisha Hunsaker, Sexual Assault Educator to schedule a presentation!
