William Champe Wallace
graduation year: 2005
major:

LA MUSIQUE, BIOGRAFIQUE: William Champe Wallace is inarguably the most Southern member of 7th Grade. His large frame, robust features, and grave, saturnine countenance all point irrefutably to an extensive and richly slaveholding heritage in the hills of Virginia. However, due to corporate bungling, Champe was actually born in a Catholic hospital in Columbus, Ohio. Rushing to rectify this situation, he moved at 14 months to Salem, Virginia, before forming any cogent memories or an unattractive accent derivative of his theretofore Yankee surroundings. After a moderately unconventional primary schooling and a gruelingly conventional secondary schooling, Champe elected to attend the College of William and Mary based on the sound principal that it was the only place he was accepted. Admitted into 7th Grade in the second semester of his freshman year, he is widely regarded both within the group and without as crazy, or at least very radical. He contributes to the group primarily by laughing too much at plays on words, and writing unperformable sketches with no dialogue. His future plans include going to business school and becoming Your Angry Boss. He still resides outside Roanoke at the southern end of the Shenandoah Valley, emerging from the mountains twice annually to travel to Williamsburg. If he sees his shadow, there will be 14 more weeks of classes at the College.