Hayley Loblein
graduation year: 2008
major:

Hayley “Ten Cloaks” Loblein, of Toms River, NJ, hates Little League and Little Leaguers. She makes a kick-ass pretzel salad that would make any Iron Chef squeal with fear. She likes the color pink…a lot…maybe even too much. Seriously, you should see her dorm room. She enjoys crocheting while watching Sex and the City, waffles in large quantities, and long walks around campus wearing a trucker hat sideways. If you ever need a hug, just find Hayley. She is a lean, mean, hugging machine. If she ever tells you to look at the moon, check your bladder and run in the opposite direction. On four different occasions, she has survived gunshot wounds to the hip. In a related story, she has been banned from Big Ed’s Shooting Range because of repeated “streaking violations.” Every day she eats thirty-two bowls of cereal, but fear not, she doesn’t gain an ounce because she swims like a fish. And not the lazy kind of fish. She often wears a flower in her hair, but don’t ask her if she’s going to San Francisco, because she absolutely is not. When she’s not rooting hard for the Giants, she’s rooting a little less hard for the Redskins. In her past life, Hayley was a rubber ducky. She was the one. She made bath time so much fun. Currently, she is a human being, but many doubt this due to her seeming perfection. She’s not a girl, not yet a woman, and she bites.