Brace yourselves, my politically apathetic, doom-and-gloom, election-evading
friends. It's time to face the facts. As much as we'd like to ignore it, as much as we hate to
admit that it even matters, and even though we shut our eyes, plug our ears, and sing
"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" loudly and obnoxiously over and over again hoping it will
eventually go away, I regret that I must yet again be the bearer of bad news. The 1996
Presidential election is on the way.
Just like good ol' Aunt Bertha who means so well when she comes to visit you on a FRIDAY night that happens to be your twenty-first birthday, and buys you that oh-so- cute fuschia sweater with the little kitty on it with the tail that hangs off and drops in your soup, elections are one of those things that makes us want to tear out our ankle hairs one by one, i.e. something we would rather avoid if at all possible. But, dear friend, sometimes these things are just impossible to ignore.
Let me start off right now by telling you that I normally don't discuss politics because it's more of a headache that it's worth. Discussing politics is kind of like winning the Lotto. People instantly love you or hate you. But I have decided that since today has been an incredibly unproductive, unexciting, unfulfilling, pointless, sour, apathetic day, I will make you either remain the politically indifferent person you are, make you agree wholeheartedly with me, or, if nothing else, hate me forever. It will make my remaining few years here even more interesting.
If I told you that the majority of American politicians have a warped way of viewing the world, would you object? My problem with politics today is that there aren't really two well-defined sides going against each other. Instead there are the far-left and far-right extremes, and that whole gray area in between that houses the moderate conservatives and conservative liberals and everyone--and--their--dogs who frequently change whatever it is they believe in to get the votes. So how do you decide who to vote for? I hope I'll come to some sort of conclusion by the end of this...
I won't name names (just to be fair and courteous), but something is wrong with a politician who runs for President of the United States, but whose life experiences don't add up to his ideology. The contradiction between his lifestyle and his ideology is significant, and is therefore difficult to ignore. This man was born in a military hospital, was subsidized by the government all of his life, and even went to school on a National Defense Scholarship. Despite all this, he rabidly wails against government spending. Whatever.
Something is really wrong with the current let's--cut--education--spending--and--build-- space--colonies trend that seems to have enveloped a frightening number of politicians in powerful positions. And we should all feel insulted by a certain Republican House Speaker who insisted that Pell Grants (which help the students who need the most financial support) insult students by insinuating that they are too lazy to pay for their college education. Something is wrong, too, with politicians who scapegoat immigrants, advocate stiff criminal penalties for "homosexual behavior," and challenge their opponents to sign pledges commiting themselves to a constitutional amendment banning abortion, even in cases of rape and incest.
I obviously don't have much to say for the Republican contenders in this election.
But I can't say that I'm a big Clinton fan either. I was pleased with his ideas in 1992, and with his "connection" with the younger generation. But my feelings for Clinton have certainly done a 180 in the time he's been in office. He begged Congress not to cut U.N. peacekeeping funds, only to change his stance a month later (after the November '94 elections). He's made promises that he hasn't kept (surprise!) and his "Don't ask, don't tell" policy has created more problems than if he had just allowed unconditional admission into the military for everyone, regardless of his or her sexual orientation.
Bill Clinton's way--less--than--perfect performance at home and on the world stage hasn't made living in the real world any easier on us, but I guess it COULD be worse. Probably not much, though. The politics of today have become a game where the stakes are exclusively private and one method of keeping things from getting done, rather than a method of DOING.
Government seems like a contradiction. Politicians try to keep government from encroaching on an individual sphere, while trying to expand individual rights. The consequence of too much democracy is that value compromises have to be made in formulating policies, and it becomes difficult to distinguish between the different sides. When you don't know which goal each team is aiming for, it becomes even more difficult to determine which side you're on. And it certainly doesn't make things any easier that these days we have a choice between some seriously psychotic average--Joe haters and a wishy--washy, mercurial, irresolute hypocrite.
Even though I'd be quite happy living in my little la-la land where nobody gives a shit about anything, I know that things could go from bad to worse if I don't take time out to figure out who the hell the people "in charge" are and what they are going to do to me. Asking questions of politicians like, "So what's your stance on abortion?", getting your answer, and then walking away either happy or angry with the response isn't going to help you figure out who you're voting for. You have to remember your stuff from Econ 101 and do a cost-benefit analysis. Think about it. If you DON'T vote because all the people who are running suck and you want them to burn in hell, the worst one out there is going to get that wonderful job as President of the United States and your life will be miserable because Big Brother will be reading your e-mail and arresting you for plotting to overthrow the government in that sentence you wrote about the cheese balls getting stuck up your nose. If you vote for the hot-air-balloon preservation party's candidate, chances are that he or she will NOT win (that'd be cool, though) so you won't be making a big difference in swinging the vote away from that horrible anti-fun Big Brother candidate. The result of the cost-benefit analysis: you're left with shitty or shittier. Democrat or Republican? Your choice.
As for me, I think I'll mull over these upcoming elections affrightedly. I don't want to be politically indifferent, with former Nazi--sympathizers--turned--Republicans running for office, but I don't know how I am going to decide who is the best candidate. I'm going to worry about things that specific candidates want to cut that will affect me, my friends, and other people who need them. And if you want, maybe you can come find me tomorrow and we can discuss this all over a cup of coffee, and you will explain to me how you disagree with my views on proposed education spending cuts, and how you think they're great and that they should start RIGHT NOW.
Actually, we'd better have our little talk today. I might not have 'till tomorrow.