The Virginia Informer

Why Do Men Have Nipples?

   A book that answers this question and more

By R.C. Rasmus, Arts & Entertainment Editor

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          What are “eye boogers”? Is sperm nutritious? Why is poo brown? Oh come on, don’t act disgusted. You know you’ve always wanted to know. The problem is that no one wants to ask. Can you imagine looking at your doctor as he snaps on his rubber gloves and saying “Gee doc, you know I always wondered why you get the munchies when you’re stoned. Can you help me out?” Yeah, me neither. Well wonder no more, my friends. Why Do Men Have Nipples?: Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini will answer all of those distasteful medical tidbits that you always wished you had the answers to.

          The new book is the brainchild of Dr. Billy Goldberg, an ER physician, and Mark Leyner, a failed television screenwriter. Their individual expertise combines to give their book a half serious, half irreverent style that is impossible to resist. One minute you’re hearing about why a yawn is contagious, and the next you’re hearing about how great it is that farting isn’t. This dichotomy between the doctor and the funnyman runs through the entire book, and turns Nipples from just an interesting curiosity into something that is downright fun to read. The two collaborators even put in a few of their AOL Instant Messenger conversations about interesting medical tidbits and the best ways to convey them without making their readers throw up. My favorite was the one about how to address the nutrition of human flesh (just so you know, it’s pretty good for you).

          I know what you’re thinking, “But R.C., dude, I’ve got enough to deal with from my classes. I don’t have time to read for fun.” Let me explain how this book is organized. Nipples isn’t a book in the traditional sense. It’s more like a series of short articles that average about two minutes apiece to read. In fact, in their snippet about hemorrhoids Leyner and Goldman recommend that you read their book on the toilet, since each section takes about as much time to read as the average trip to the bathroom.

          Take my advice, guys, you will enjoy this book. It’s fun, it’s funny, and it’s informative. You can rip through it in two days (I did), and you’ll be smarter for having read it. So how about a little bathroom reading? Grab Why Do Men Have Nipples?: Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini at the Campus Bookstore, and find out if you really can get high from licking a toad, what’s actually happening when your foot falls asleep, and if there truly is a G-spot.

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